How often do you think about your language; not your dialect, but the words you use to narrate your day? Language reveals more than attitude. It reveals whether we feel trapped or entrusted, entangled or empowered.
Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to how often we say, “I have to”:
* I have to go to this meeting.
* I have to write this IEP.
* I have to review this data.
* I have to handle this situation…again.
When I hear it, I don’t hear laziness or negativity. I hear pressure, obligation, fatigue, and a quiet loss of autonomy. And when I catch myself saying it, I feel it too. When we live in “I have to” mode long enough, it drains our energy before the work even begins. That shift in energy affects how we show up and how we influence the climate of our room, office, school, and district.
One of the most powerful shifts we can make is subtle but profound: moving from “I have to” to “I get to.” This isn’t about pretending hard things aren’t hard. It’s about reclaiming choice within the reality we’re navigating.
Last week, I scheduled a necessary meeting about an ongoing issue. At first, I dreaded it because I kept telling myself I had to talk about this topic again. I also questioned if it was my lack of understanding or a unclear standard operating procedure. Either way, I was not looking forward to it. Then I caught and reminded myself that I’m not powerless. I get to choose how show up.
After a day or two, I reframed my language, and that reframing changed how I entered the meeting. My dread shifted to curiosity. The meeting became energetic, engaging, and productive because I approached it differently. I walked in thinking, I get to learn a better way with people who are just as curious, to reach our desired outcome.
In Be GREAT, I talk about the power of internal language shaping external impact. This was one of those moments. Culture doesn’t start in classrooms or conference rooms; it starts inside us. The language we use with ourselves quietly shapes the language we use with others, and that language becomes culture. When we operate from “I get to,” it shows up in how we greet students and colleagues, how we enter meetings, how we embrace new ideas, and how we respond to challenges we didn’t choose.
Energy is contagious, both positive and negative. At the same time, “I get to” is not about ignoring stress, workload, or systemic challenges. That would be naïve. It’s about choice within reality. We may not get to choose every task placed on our plate, but we do get to choose how we frame it, how we show up, and how much power it has over us.
Over the next two weeks, when you catch yourself saying “I have to,” pause. Take a breath. Move your body. Do whatever helps you reset. Then reframe it to “I get to…” and notice what shifts internally and relationally. Not every task will feel exciting, but many will feel lighter because choice changes energy.
Also, consider this: If students listened closely to how we talk about our work, what would they learn about adulthood? Would they hear resentment and obligation, or purpose and ownership? Our words are not just commentary. They are modeling. And modeling shapes culture.
Be GREAT,
Dwight